He Shall Do No Such Thing!
by doramatikku
Summary: Naruto thinks Iruka is lonely and that he needs a woman in his life, then Naruto decides to help Iruka solve that little... problem. But this is Naruto, so things don't go as planned. (somewhat shonen ai)


Title- He Shall Do No Such Thing!

Fandom-Naruto

Rating- PG-13

Pairing- Naruto attempting to advance on poor Iruka

Challenge/Time taken- Nothing, about an hour.

Disclaimer- Naruto by Kishimoto Masato (Or Masashi? His first name escapes me) and so therefore all the characters and the world they live in are created by him, so they are his. This is just a piece of fanfiction, no need to make some lawsuit hoot over it.

Notes- Wow, I amaze myself by writing two fictions in one day. My fanfiction account shall be revived! (Now if only that was also possible for my fiction press account...) First posted at tempsmorte

It was quiet, peace at last. Iruka was finally able to start correcting those papers. His favorite red pen was in hand and so was his cup of coffee that was nearly full; the day would be a productive one.

Or so he thought.

Just as he had finished a fifth of the pile, in came Naruto with his aura of energy.

"Iruka sensei, what'cha doin'?" He asked, a smirk riding on his face; the boy wanted something.

"Oh, nothing. Just correcting papers, is all." Iruka looked at the boy, then at the door, hoping that Naruto would get the hint. But of course, this is Naruto we're talking about, so he does not understand that Iruka is subtly trying to push him out the door.

"Nothing? Iruka sensei, let's do something fun! Like... like eating ramen!"

Ah, so that was his ulterior motive.

"I can't, I'm too busy." The teacher replied, trying once more to show that he was busy with the stack of papers.

"Busy doin' nothing! That's what you're doing! You need a life, Iruka sensei, you need... you need a girl!" the boy smiled long and wide before a poof of smoke took his place.

"Naruto, now wait a minu—"

Too late, in his place stood a voluptuous blonde bikini wearing Naruto female version, a busty female version.

"Naruto, stop this nonsense and change back right now."

"So," Naruto huffed lightly, trying his hardest to be seductive. "You say you're doing nothing? Nothing at all?" He came in closer, pushing his bosoms toward Iruka who in turn, tried nervously to bat them away.

"Actually, you said that. I'm not doing anything other than—"

"So you are doing nothing," Naruto continued, pouting his lips and trying to look sexy. So far it wasn't really working, Iruka was scared out of his wits.

"Naruto, let me finish grading these stacks of paper and _then_ we'll go eat ramen, how does that sound?" Iruka meekly suggested.

"I'll tell you how that sounds," Naruto huffed, "it sounds like you need a girl..." and with that, he shoved his bosoms into Iruka's face.

"Mmmrf!" Iruka tried to shove him off, but Naruto kept advancing, climbing onto his desk and wrinkling up all the papers. "Get off!"

"You know you want it, big boy." The he-she cooed.

"Stop this insanity!" with one final push, he had managed to push both him and Naruto off of the office chair he was sitting in and onto the floor. Naruto pinned him, his legs wrapped around him and there was an apparent... erection pushing against his shirt.

'Oh shit, oh shit, shit, shit!' Iruka thought frantically as Naruto slobbered over his face in doggy style kisses.

"So, having fun?"

Iruka looked up towards to doorway to see Kakashi standing there, slightly amused yet trying to hide his face behind his book. Things just went from bad to worse, much worse.

"It's not what it looks like, Naruto just came in here—"

"No, that's not it," Naruto interrupted, he had finally gotten off of Iruka and reverted back to his normal self, "I came in here, asking Iruka sensei if he was doing anything. Cuz, you know, if he wasn't, we can go eat ramen, you know. But when I asked him, he said he was doing nothing. So I thought he was a lonely person, sitting here in his office doing nothing, so I figured Iruka sensei needed a girl in his life. So I became one for him. By the way," He turned to Iruka who was now a beet red, "I expect to be paid in ramen for my services."

"What--? What services? I didn't ask for you to perform any services!"

"You know you needed it, Iruka sensei, it was written all over your face."

Iruka scoffed, "I was terrified out of my wits! What did you think that face meant?"

"The both of you stop it!" Kakashi silenced them, his book closed together in a thunderous, godly clap. "Naruto, I think Sakura-chan was callin' you, something about a favor."

"Oh really? Yippee!" he dashed out the door in a mad rush, "Coming, Sakura-chan!"

"And you," Kakashi pointed towards Iruka, "You better be thankful that I'm not going to report any of this to the hokage."

"But I didn't do anything!"

"That's right! You did nothing when you should have been working! So instead of doing nothing, if you had been working on those papers like you were supposed to, this wouldn't have happened! But no! You were doing nothing! HA!" Kakashi laughed, watching the look on Iruka's face turn blue.

"I ... I think I'm gonna be sick." Iruka turned away, his head was now sticking out the window as he willed for the fresh air to clean him.

"It couldn't have been _that_ bad." Kakashi mumbled as he returned to his book.

"I nearly got butt raped. If you hadn't come any sooner, he would have done it." Iruka gagged, "Oi, the thought of it sickens me."

"Oh, do I sense a teacher/student sexual relationship beginning to arise?" He laughed at his own joke, ignoring the angry glares from Iruka.

"Get your head out of the gutter, for the both our sakes. Now what do you want? Did you need me to file something for you?"

"Nah, I just came here because I had nothing to do." Kakashi flipped through his book.

"Nothing, you say?"

"Yep, nothing."


End file.
